he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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