Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
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I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
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Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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