Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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