I hate your face
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
