My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
