I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
