you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
