Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
