this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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I will be naked everywhere
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Holy sore nipples Batman
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