I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
