Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
