Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize