You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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