Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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