I accidentally had phone sex last night
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
