I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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