tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
