i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
