There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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