I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
