I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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