He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
