Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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