she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she smelled like a LAN party
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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