you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
