I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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