The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
