I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
