im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I won the penis lottery.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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