I'm so fucking centered right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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