Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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