I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
