Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
