the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
