a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
