no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
