this just has baby written all over it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
