I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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