I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
