How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
