the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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