I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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