I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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