I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
