i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
