no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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