My room smells like vodka and shame
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
