why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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