i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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