I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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