I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
