lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
