Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
