I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
