i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
