He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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