You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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