Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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