I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
