what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
