You made me cry and you don't even care
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize