i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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