u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Your penis caused this!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
