I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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