I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
