My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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