So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
