Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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